I’ve been feeling a lack in my spiritual life lately, even though I’ve been reasonably dedicated about offerings to the wights, ancestors, and Gods. It began to distress me; it’s not as though I expect to hear the Gods all the time, and it’s normal for them to be closer when their help is needed more, but this quiet seemed….ominous. I decided I needed to take a journey to ask what, if anything, I was doing/not doing to cause this. Was it a block in me, or was it my actions?
I asked Mr. TF if he would watch over me while I did this. I used to journey on a regular basis from the time I was a teen or younger; I had absolutely no concept that it could be dangerous and thus it never occurred to me to have anyone stand “guard” to make sure I was OK. Since finding out a couple of years ago this actually was potentially dangerous, and having a serious medical issue that required a trip to the ER after 8 hours of dealing with it though, I thought it might be wise.
Well *that* was interesting. We started off by smudging and giving an offering to the Gods I thought would be best to help with a journey: Odhinn, Frigg, and Freyja. Then we pulled 3 runes – Jeff pulled one, I pulled one, and the cat pulled one. (don’t ask, it worked). Hagalaz, Dagaz, and Ansuz.
I wasn’t sure where to go to start so I set off down to Helheim, but I ended up in a sort of a crypt to the side of the Lady’s hall. I was met by a creature that was quite frightening, mummified with spider webs all over, shuffling, with skeletal hands and glowing blue eyes. I was pretty scared, but then I offered it a thick slice of home made bread. Where I got it I have no idea, but there it was. It took it and transformed into an absolutely beautiful and regal blonde young woman with ruby red lips and blue eyes, pink cheeks, and medieval type costume.
She never spoke. She sort of frog marched me past a door into the Lady’s hall where there was a party going on – loud music, hundreds of people, very raucous. We went down a side hall and up some stairs, the hall and the stairs kept shifting from wood to stone and back again. It was very well lit with torches in sconces on the wall and at the landings in the stair well.
I don’t know how or where we surfaced, but the next thing I remember there was a well behind me and I was alone. I remember thinking “of course, that makes sense, the way to Holda’s is through a well.” It was a plain with dead yellow grass stretching as far as the eye could see, and Yggdrasil ahead, enormous and the top of it was both visible and not visible as it penetrated other worlds. Men on horseback rode up, they had shields and spears and were *not* very friendly. I’m not sure what happened to them, but the next thing I knew I was on the back of one of the deer that munch on the bark of the Tree. I remember asking it for a ride, I think. It took me to the Norns. I remember clearly the bristles of the hair on the sides of the deer, the bony spine at the shoulders, and the muscles moving and my body heaving around as it leapt and stepped. Different and similar to horseback. Maybe a musky smell?
Then the dryer timer buzzer went off and I came out of it rather suddenly.
This morning, a woman’s voice spoke to me in a dream in a very foreign accent, telling me to “Gifut more.”
So I already knew I need to step it up with being better to my body – walking, running, stair climber, whatever. But now I had another piece.
I have an obligation to a God that I’ve been avoiding, mostly because it terrifies me to contemplate what meeting that obligation could mean. It will most definitely mean personal and spiritual pain. Growth too, if I can get through it.
I have work to do.