The end of an era.

My husband is … away.  Whether it’s temporary or permanent, I don’t know.  I suppose it depends on things that may or may not be in either of our control.  It feels a little weird.

The house is very quiet.  I’ve been doing some cleaning projects that I simply haven’t had the energy to get to until now.  It’s shocking how much chronic resentment and anger can sap one’s energy.  Today I feel tired, but it’s because I’ve been working on and off all day, scrubbing dishes, cleaning the stove, the outside of the fridge and dishwasher, getting on my hands an knees and scrubbing in the corners before mopping, moving things and scrubbing counter tops.  Vacuuming in corners that haven’t been touched in a year.  Dusting.  Organizing.  The sad thing is it still looks like crap.

When one works 6 days a week (and at least 3 of these days are 13-14 hour days) these are the things that get left undone. When one spends free time avoiding confrontation, and letting resentment/anger/horror at the situation build, these are the things that get left undone.

When one watches one’s life partner slowly lose their sense of self and purpose, and slip into a nether region, with no independent identity, it’s frightening and stressful.   When one watches them crawl into a deep pit, and they refuse to come out even when you throw them a ladder, it’s horrifying.

These are the things that make one lose sleep in the middle of the night.


8 responses

    • thank you. If it hadn’t been sheer rage at the monumental stupidity I might not have gone through with it – but this needed to happen. Really.

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that. This may or may not be relevant, but here’s the situation with my life partner. I took the Red Pill in July 2008 (yes, I can be that specific, because it was rather a shock) and spent the next two years trying to tell her about peak oil, the impossibility of infinite economic growth and infinitely accumulating debt, and so on. She made it clear she didn’t want to know, and as it’s almost impossible to tell someone something they don’t want to hear, I gave up the attempt, but started taking some practical steps to prepare (moved the family to a walkable community in a low population density area, learned some useful post collapse skills, bought some gold etc). So for the last 8 years or so, we’ve been living under the same roof but kind of in different universes. In her universe, things in the future will be similar to today, and we will spend our retirement flying to exotic locations and living on our savings and pensions. In my universe, we will spend our retirement walking around our small walkable community, and maybe getting the bus for longer trips, there will be no aeroplanes apart from the military, our savings will mostly evaporate apart from the gold, and I probably won’t actually retire at all, just maybe work less as I get older. Or maybe the future will be a kind of a blend of the two universes – who knows. I’m not sure how psychologically healthy our partnership is, but we’re still together, and I’m willing to try to help her through the shock if she ever takes the Red Pill too. Good luck.

    • DH is somewhat like your partner. He used to think I was making it up, now he thinks I exaggerate. It hasn’t happened yet, so it’s not going to. And that’s OK except when he talks about investing in the stock market or other things like that. That’s the only real time we clash about peak oil/peak everything.

      But that was not the issue. He enjoys the benefits of my knowledge – the garden, the home made bread, the cooking, the mending/making. It was other sorts of choices that separated him more and more from me and others he loves, choices that finally caught up with him. When you slide a 2×4 out over a cliff and then proceed to take baby steps toward the end of it, eventually it’s going to fall off and take you with it. And his did.

  2. I learned a long time ago, that you can’t save people. You can only love them. Sometimes loving them means letting them go.

    I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. Change is always stressful; you have to take care of yourself, in the best manner you know how – one day at a time, one moment of a time.

    When all else fails, just remember to breathe.

    • Believe it or not I’m actually sleeping better than I have in years now. I had no idea how much stress I was feeling until it was gone. That may change, it may only be a temporary thing, but right now for me, even though things are harder, they’re better. I’m just taking things as they come for right now, the larger problems will present their solutions as they are needed.

  3. It’s been a while, but hope you’re doing well, or better. In any case, can certainly empathize with what you’ve said. Sometimes, it seems, that people follow certain paths and its their job to follow it through, for if the journey is left incomplete its almost like there is no ‘realization’ process. Him having slowly seeped into the state he has now reminds me of this, as well as you having less stress. For the latter, am grateful because although we don’t know each other, if you’re anything like am thinking you are, you’re a decent, if not good human being. You care for the world. You do your best to make people happy but you will also ‘stick to your guns’ so to speak. So seeing you go through this is very reminiscent of similar instances with me, or others. Either way, it seems we’re all better after it, even if we don’t realize it for quite some time. Really hope you’re doing great, and wish you nothing but joy and meaning in your life.

Leave a Reply to BreakawayConsciousness Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s