My husband is … away. Whether it’s temporary or permanent, I don’t know. I suppose it depends on things that may or may not be in either of our control. It feels a little weird.
The house is very quiet. I’ve been doing some cleaning projects that I simply haven’t had the energy to get to until now. It’s shocking how much chronic resentment and anger can sap one’s energy. Today I feel tired, but it’s because I’ve been working on and off all day, scrubbing dishes, cleaning the stove, the outside of the fridge and dishwasher, getting on my hands an knees and scrubbing in the corners before mopping, moving things and scrubbing counter tops. Vacuuming in corners that haven’t been touched in a year. Dusting. Organizing. The sad thing is it still looks like crap.
When one works 6 days a week (and at least 3 of these days are 13-14 hour days) these are the things that get left undone. When one spends free time avoiding confrontation, and letting resentment/anger/horror at the situation build, these are the things that get left undone.
When one watches one’s life partner slowly lose their sense of self and purpose, and slip into a nether region, with no independent identity, it’s frightening and stressful. When one watches them crawl into a deep pit, and they refuse to come out even when you throw them a ladder, it’s horrifying.
These are the things that make one lose sleep in the middle of the night.