I have had to limit my reading of blogs that deal with even the positive aspects of the above — living more lightly on the earth, becoming more self sufficient, preparing for hard times, etc.
I simply get too depressed, and can’t seem to function. At times it seems as though I’m watching an accident and I can’t move fast enough, yell loudly or quickly enough, to stop it. All the while I know somebody’s going to get really really hurt.
I feel as though I can’t plant enough produce, can’t buy and plant enough trees, can’t move fast enough in my yard to be prepared, either.
I have to remind myself hourly at times, that I can only do what I can do. I can only organize my time better, I can only spend less time reading this $h!t, I can only harvest at the rate the plants produce, I can only put up so much in preserves for the winter, I can only buy so much bulk. I can only help people who want the help, I can only explain it to people who want to listen.
Sharon Astyk calls it living in two worlds…I don’t feel like I live in two worlds exactly. I feel like I go to work and that’s my pretend life, so that I can come home and live my real life. I work so I can prepare better, so I can get all our crap paid off and have to ultimately work less. In the meantime, I get simply and chronically exhausted.
I spent the ‘fat’ years of our country’s economy living in poverty, working two jobs. Now that the country’s in dire straits, I am — for the moment — doing alright, able to work and to pay my bills and to prepare for the future. It seems so strange to be finally doing slightly better than treading water when the rest of the country is drowning.
And still they don’t understand why, still they think it will be better soon.